Why soda is liquid Satan and coffee is for pussies.

(Special coupon code for 86 Lemons readers in this post.)

Over the weekend, I razzed my mom and cousin-in-law about their coffee addictions. They both drink too much coffee. They admitted to going to bed at night thinking about the coffee they will drink the next morning. I would say that’s a problem. Yes, research has shown there are some benefits to drinking coffee in MODERATION. Research has also shown that too much coffee (or caffeine in general) can cause all kinds of problems, from adrenal exhaustion to blood sugar swings. At least coffee has some benefits, but soda on the other hand has NONE. I want to share two excerpts from the book Skinny Bitch by Kim Barnouin and Rory Freedman (yes, there is foul language–just ignore it and focus on the facts)…

“Brace yourselves, girls: Soda is liquid Satan. It is the devil. It is garbage. There is nothing in soda that should be put into your body. For starters, soda’s high levels of phosphorous can increase calcium loss from the body, as can its sodium and caffeine. [Cousens, Conscious Eating, 475] You know what this means—bone loss, which may lead to osteoporosis. And the last time we checked, sugar, found in soda by the boatload, does not make you skinny! Now don’t go patting yourself on the back if you drink diet soda. That stuff is even worse. Aspartame (an ingredient commonly found in diet sodas and other sugar-free foods) has been blamed for a slew of scary maladies, like arthritis, birth defects, fibromyalgia, Alzheimer’s, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and diabetes. When methyl alcohol, a component of aspartame, enters your body, it turns into formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is toxic and carcinogenic (cancer-causing). Laboratory scientists use formaldehyde as a disinfectant or preservative. Perhaps you have a lumpy ass because you are preserving your fat cells with diet soda. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has received more complaints about aspartame than any “other ingredient to date”. Want more bad news? When aspartame is paired with carbs, it causes your brain to slow down its production of serotonin. A healthy level of serotonin is needed to be happy and well balanced. So drinking soda can make you fat, sick, and unhappy.”

“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning coffee.” Uhm . . . pathetic! Coffee is for pussies. Think about how widely accepted it has become that people need coffee to wake up. You should not need anything to wake up. If you can’t wake up without it, it’s because you are either addicted to caffeine, sleep deprived, or a generally unhealthy slob. It may seem like the end of the world to give up your daily dose, especially if you rely on Starbucks as a good place to meet men. But it’s not heroin, girls, and you’ll learn to live without it. Caffeine can cause headaches, digestive problems, irritation of the stomach and bladder, peptic ulcers, diarrhea, constipation, fatigue, anxiety, and depression. It affects every organ system, from the nervous system to the skin. Caffeine raises stress hormone levels, inhibits important enzyme systems that are responsible for cleaning the body, and sensitizes nerve reception sites. One study even links caffeine to an increased susceptibility to diabetes. But don’t go grabbing for the decaf. Coffee, whether regular or decaf, is highly acidic. Acidic foods cause your body to produce fat cells, in order to keep the acid away from your organs. (Please, do not link this acid issue to citrus and other fruits. We discuss this in depth later on page 38.) So coffee equals fat cells. P.S. It also makes your breath smell like ass. Furthermore, coffee beans, like other crops, are grown with chemical pesticides. One insecticide, D-D-7, has been banned in the United States, but is still used by other countries from which we import coffee beans. So every single morning, you are starting your day with a dose of poison. Add sugar or other artificial sweeteners, top it off with milk or cream, and you’ll be fat forever. If you enjoy an occasional cup of coffee, fine. But if you need it, give it up.”

So, Mom and Melissa, are you ready to cut back yet?!

If any of you are ready to reign in your caffeine addiction and hit the reset button, I highly recommend an online course called Get Balanced. I participated in this course last month and learned so much from nutritionists/instructors, Megan and Katie. The course is not about giving up caffeine, it’s about balancing your cortisol (stress hormone) levels. In order to clean the slate, cutting back and/or eliminating your caffeine intake (as well as other things) is part of the process. Why is balancing your cortisol levels important? First, take a look at the following:

Do any of these sound like you?
• You have the ability to feel tired yet wired at the same time.
• You hit the snooze button 6 times on your alarm.
• You have a ‘no speaking to me’ rule before your morning caffeine.
• You are eating well, exercising, and the scale will.not.budge.
• 4pm strikes and you need sugar. And there is no stopping you.
• 10pm strikes and you feel inexplicably motivated.
• 2am strikes and you are wide-eyed, yet exhausted.

Chances are your cortisol levels are on one continuous roller coaster ride–up and down, up and down. As you will learn in this course, when your cortisol is out of whack, it can throw your whole body off. During the 15 day course, you have 24/7 access to Megan and Katie via email and discussion forums. Not only do they provide a wealth of valuable information (including lots of great recipes) in easy-to-download formats, but there are also sessions that dive a little deeper into explaining how our bodies work and how they are affected by the substances we put into them. They explain it in a very easy-to-understand way that will leave you with a few “ah-ha! moments”. For me, this was very valuable. Having the visual aid and the understanding of how our various systems work helps me to make better choices. The goal is not for you to have temporary control over your stress hormone, but rather to have a long-lasting, positive impact on your health.

As Megan and Katie explain, this is not a detox or a cleanse or a diet. What it IS:

• Whole foods
• Meals, snacks, beverages
• Guidance
• Digestive relief
• Energy booster
• Sustainable
• Long lasting change

The Get Balanced course will be offered again from June 10-24. Everything is online and can be done at your own pace. You’ll get a food list of what’s in and what’s out. If you stick with their recommendations, chances are you’ll experience noticeable changes in how you feel, how you sleep, even how you look! Interested in giving it a try? Megan and Katie are offering a 20% discount to 86 Lemons readers! Use this code to receive 20% off the price of the course:  86lemons20. For more information and/or to register, CLICK HERE.


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8 thoughts on “Why soda is liquid Satan and coffee is for pussies.”

  1. Hi Livvy. Love this! My husband currently works for a huge soft drink distributor who shall remain nameless. I usually just refer to them as “The Bastards”. I wish the public had a clue how much effort these people go to as and entity to lie for profit. They not only poison individuals on purpose but destroy the environment for a buck and suck the souls out of their employees. Don’t worry, hubby is on his way back into the light.

    • Personally, I drink just plain water most of the time. I think coffee in moderation is fine. A cup a day won’t kill you (drink it black or use stevia/non-dairy milk if you must). You can flavor your water by filling a pitcher with water and sliced fruit (lemon/lime, strawberry, orange, etc) and let it sit in the fridge for 3 hours. Add a couple drops of stevia to sweeten it if you like. You can also mix seltzer water with a splash of juice (use 100% juice, no sugar added). Izze Sparkling Juice isn’t something you want to drink all the time, but it makes a nice treat now and then. Of course, there’s decaffeinated tea (hot or iced). And non-dairy milk (coconut, almond, soy, rice, etc). I also like Naked Juices and Smoothies, which are all natural, no sugar added. Just be aware that one 15.2 oz bottle contains TWO servings. It’s not something I would drink with a meal, but it makes a good snack. Most of their products are vegan, but there are a few that contain dairy, so be sure to read the ingredients list if that’s a concern. If you have a juicer, fresh squeezed fruit and vegetable juice is also a great choice. Hope that helps!

  2. It’s funny- most studies I hear that are raving about the health benefits of coffee will say, “people who drink 4+ cups/day…” which isn’t a small amount- at least those are the ones I hear.

    I figure, I don’t smoke or do drugs (although I know caffeine is considered a “drug”), I have 1 or 2 alcoholic beverages/week, I wear sun screen, I floss, I run marathons- if coffee is my one vice in life, then so be it! And I will stand behind it 100%


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